Over the weekend we went to look at a couple new properties. The first one (click on pics to be taken to listings):


seemed like an absolute no-go. It's got two completely vacant units that are a total shambles (one from abandoned reconstruction, and one from a supposed roof leak (though the unit smelled like it'd had a fire) - which made the ceiling cave in). On the outside the place needs to be completely re-sided, and it obviously needs a whole new +/- 1600 sq. ft. roof ... neither of which will be cheap, and there really isn't a nice looking / properly finished surface in the building (even in the units that are being lived in). Things like moldings and baseboards are missing, walls are halfway painted, etc. But as awful as it looks - that's all cosmetic .. it's the roof, the siding, and the total re-do of the collapsed ceiling unit that turned us off. We're talking over $20,000 in repairs and upgrades. But hey - what do you want for a $35,000 listing price?

In addition to that, we've dubbed one of the tenants (who didn't know we were coming because he doesn't have a phone) "Pot Boy". He looked about 20, and his apartment WREAKED of the good old Mary-Jane. And the piece de resistance ..... he followed us outside the building after the tour, discussing what the place needed to have done, and was our new best friend - until someone pulled up in a van (another tenant?). Anyway, as I got into our car I heard:

Pot Boy to Van Man: Can you get me some?
Van Man: unintelligible (pulling out his cell phone).
Pot Boy: $3
Van Man into his cell phone: Can I get $3 worth?
Woman on other end of phone (phone was on SPEAKER, believe it or not!): unintelligible yelling - I think about someone owing money ... but we were pulling away by then.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen ... I witnessed a drug deal right there in broad daylight (not 5 feet from my car) on speakerphone no less! Needless to say, it didn't add anything to the appeal of the property.

The second place seemed like a much better option:


It's basically turnkey - needs painting on the outside, and a small electrical upgrade - about $7000 in repairs/upgrades .. and we already know the folks to hire. We loved it instantly, and regretted not bringing the checkbook with us to make a deposit (but the policy is to always go home and think it all over). On the ride home from Mannington I started to do the math on the two properties:

The Mannington place (the second one above) grosses $1500/month ... but the utilities are NOT separate and all are paid by the owner. So, when you subtract the declared utility costs, property taxes, insurance, etc. the $1500 drops down to $800. So for an approx. $57,000 investment (we'd buy it for $50,000 and put about $7,000 into it) we'd net $800/month.

The Salem place (the first one above) grossed about $1600/month before the two vacant units became empty (currently it's making $900). The listing price is about $35,000, but there's no way we'd go over $25,000 for it. So, $25,000, plus another $25 - 30,000 in repairs/upgrades gets you to the same basic investment as the Mannington property. But, the gas is separate for each unit at the Salem property (paid by the tenants). When you do the numbers for the remaining utilities, the property taxes, the insurance, etc. you come up with a gross of about $1100-1200/month once the two vacant units are occupied again.

So we set about pondering the fact that the numbers dictate we buy the scary one - and whether or not we really want to tackle it. Then yesterday afternoon we got a call from the Realtor - someone from Morgantown went to see the Mannington property and is going to make an offer. Why is it we always find these great places (that have been on the market more than 6 months), and then right when we're about ready to make a move on them someone else snaps them up? Anyway, we're not going to make an offer on Mannington - we were trying to talk ourselves into Salem, but then my dad found something else completely online yesterday.

You see, my mother - though she refuses to admit it - HATES anyplace she's living. She finds the things that are wrong with it, and then ruminates about them. In the process she idealizes wherever she used to live. Example: when we lived in WA she hated everything about it (except the view), now she remembers it as being the best place she ever lived. When we were in California this last time she wanted to go back to WA! And she was all for coming back here (until she got here) - but now that we're here - she wants to move back to CA! There's just no winning with her. And I know whatever we do, and wherever we go in the future, this will always be the case. If we moved away from here, she'd hate where we went and miss WV. This is just how she is - she is never happy.

Anyway, my father did this nationwide search for something interesting that met our criteria and he found ..... drum roll please ...... this:

It's very tempting - huge lovely old house on a 1/2 acre lot (plenty of room to garden) only about a half hour's drive from Springfield, MO (where they supposedly have REAL health care for my mom). Seems to be in a cute little town.

And yet - 1) I don't really want to move again. 2) I don't know if I can stand to stay living with my parents much longer (even in a 6 bedroom house). 3) My mom will still hate everything about it. 4) I'm tired of change/ drama/ limbo. I just want to pick something and FINISH it for once.

Labels: Family, if stress burned calories I'd be a supermodel, investment props, moving?

Ok, so .. drama over, more or less (sometimes more, sometimes less - on a minute by minute basis, lol). I am still feeling a bit monosyllabic and shruggy - hey, that's an emotional description if I say so, lol - but also feeling a bit better.

As some of you know I let the parental units in on this blog thing awhile back, and when I did I edited old posts and censored myself for new ones. And for the record (because, despite their offer to quit reading it, I have not asked them to, yet) that does NOT mean that this blog used to consist of: I HATE MY PARENTS, I HATE MY PARENTS, and some days I REALLY HATE MY PARENTS! I believe there might have been a couple references in the vein of: if my father leaves one more coffee ring on the counter I will be forced to ring his neck, and if my mother doesn't learn to take a breath between paragraphs my head is going to explode - but that was about it for 'bad-mouthing'.

No, the only real reason for de-clawing this blog was that there is just a ton of crap my parents don't know about me, and I've always been pretty sure that's best. I mean, come on - did/do your parents REALLY know a lot about who you are as an adult?

Yes - these are people who know that when I was a child I could not pronounce complicated words like 'hot dog' and 'drink' (my unique takes were: "sha-sha" and "grinkerie" respectively), and that I used to call Donny and Marie - Donny and 'Bree' (because apparently Marie is also complicated at 3 or 4), and some days I get the distinct feeling that that is STILL what they see when they look at me - but they don't know certain crucial things.

They don't know half the crap that went on when I was a kid when they weren't around, they don't have a clue about the real ending of my 'accidental engagement', and they know nothing about the really messed up and self-destructive things I do to handle my stress. And if they read that - and if they know what's good for them - they will never ask me to explain that sentence.

Keeping them out of the loop like this has been my choice, my doing ... and my fault - not theirs. And I still think it's better this way - but it has had it's price. The therapy aspect of 3amtherapy has been missing for me for quite awhile (not that public therapy was actually the original intention of this blog, it was more a reference to writing in general - which has always been my preferred form of therapy - at any time of the day or night). But letting them in on the blog, and continuing to believe that parents are like mushrooms - best kept in the dark - meant taking a lot off the list of what I could talk about, which I had come to think of as a massive mistake on my part.

But, there's apparently a perk - an upside, if you will - my father read my last blog post and instigated a 'talk' - and for the record, IMHO, 'we need to talk' is one of the scariest phrases in all of the English language. But it wasn't bad - my dad asked what he could do to help, and I shrugged and mumbled a bit (and tried not to cry like a idiot) in reply, and somehow out of that - he's agreed to totally take over dish washing! I am deeply grateful - more for the unanticipated spark of concern than the having one less chore thing - though, of course the one less chore thing is WAY COOL too!! :)

But I still have a slightly rumbley grey cloud over my head - but since it's all my own internal mess there's nothing anyone else can do to help me out with this one. I need to make some changes - in ME, and in MY life ... change 1 being that I need to actually start thinking and acting like this is MY life. I need to make room and time, and give myself permission, to do the things that matter most to me - the things that actually make me happy (and there actually are a handfull of things that do that - believe it or not, lol).

A very dear friend is always telling me that I need to get out of the house more, and mix with other people more. And he's totally right about that! But I also need some REAL alone time too - and not the kind where I can be reached by an intercom. I need to get out of the house - preferably every day - and I need to have time to write, to work on school stuff, or even just to sit and THINK.

In short, what I have figured out in the last couple days of sulking is the following:

- I am NOT a fundamentally social person - I don't dislike people - but I need some down time from them (all of them) to repair myself (even if these other people are my parents - or quite possibly especially if they are ... no offense).

- I am exhausted - but not as much from what I do around here as from what I am not getting done. A poisonous cloud of shoulds, and a litany of things I want to do but don't, are always grating on my nerves - and the constant drip of them has driven me over the edge. I need to make "the more I do, the better I feel" my new mantra .. and then let go of what I don't get done! Tomorrow is another day, after all :)

- I need to do what brings me joy and what feeds my soul. And I need to learn to tell EVERYONE in my life (including me) to bite me if they can't accommodate that.

- I need to make a schedule and stick to it, and make other people (like my mother - who is a bit intercom-happy) respect it. The new rule around here will need to be: just because I'm home/alive doesn't mean I'm available.

- And last, but not least .. vitamin b-6 is my new BFF! ;)

I am still working on how to implement all this new knowledge, but so far I've come up with a few good ideas, and that makes me feel a little better too :)

So, for the time being, I am not throwing in the towel here - I'm just regrouping a bit.

PS to Tigger: don't panic about all my talk of 'alone time' - I still plan to get into the local quilting classes and the photography club - I am NOT planning on becoming a hermit! ;)

Labels: enlightenment(?), Family, if stress burned calories I'd be a supermodel, In a Nutshell

Firstly, there shall be no more American Idol in this house (it's the ONLY thing we're unanimous about). It was bad enough when they sent the Australian guy home (instead of the talentless folks and one trick ponies such as Kristie Lee, Brooke, and Jason). It was bad enough that they keep that simperingly overdone Archuleta kid (yes, he can sing - but I still hate him). But when they threw Carly Smithson off - the camel's back snapped like a twig. I will watch the horrifyingly entertaining auditions in the future, but I will never again get wrapped up in the show past that point.

Secondly, my mother has calmed down (slightly) and is lowering the price of the condo, on the advice of the Realtor, to $299,900. Yes, the market actually IS that unstable and crappy (to illustrate; a fact my father ran across in the Register or the Times .... there were 600 foreclosures in Orange County in the whole year of 2006 ... there were 600 foreclosures in Orange County in just March of 2008!).

Thirdly, no matter what any Monday morning quarterbacks might say (come Monday morning) I think my tv-boyfriend, Craig Ferguson, did a very nice job at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

Fourthly (is that even a word?), I am still upset with my mother to the extent that I don't really want to do any sort of "family business' investment stuff that involves her in any way. My mother, bless her heart (here in the South you can say anything you like abou someone, so long as you preface it with: Bless his/her heart), seems to have a total inability to make business decisions based on anything other than emotion. I've never known anyone else who can mange to take a drop in the real estate market as a personal affront (from me to her, since I delivered the bad news), and possibly a conspiratorial plot (involving everyone - including Lee Harvey Oswald on the grassy knoll with a candlestick .. oh wait, that's something else altogether, lol) to rob her of all the money she has in the world. I still think investing in rental properties is a fine idea - but I really don't need her to sulk and pitch a hissy fit every time we'd have to shell out for a new shower head. I just don't need the drama - and my mother is very much about drama.

When I was at my most livid and disillusioned with her I looked into moving out somewhere local (though why I would want to stay local when I'm angry with someone I don't quite know, lol). And that was a solid possibility, for five minutes. But I would have to take my money (and possibly a couple utilities, since they're in my name) with me - which I deemed sort of mean of me. It's not like my parents couldn't get the gas or the DirecTV hooked up in their names, it's just a hassle and an expense, so it seemed a bit nasty. I wasn't angry enough to be mean - I just wanted out. So then I thought of leaving the country again - either teaching English or as an au pair or both (anything to get out quick). That option sang me a siren song big time since it meant travel and immediate withdrawal, but then my more sensible side took over and started pointing out that if I did that I'd just be bouncing around from place to place for 3-6 months at time, never accumulating more in the savings account than it took to get to my next job. And while that sounds adventurous at 22, at 32 it sounds sort of stupid!

What I finally settled on, is that, for better or worse, I really do want to get a Real Estate License (I liked the idea in CA (and if we were there still, I could have had one by now) ... and I like the idea here too - hey, a good idea is good everywhere). After all a girl's gotta have a day job no matter what shape her pipe dreams may take - and I really think that's the one that would work best for me (whether or not my mother ever gets hired help and sets me free - cue the choir singing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot").

And I think doing the Real Estate thing is a good idea (FOR ME) regardless of what my parents do or do not do.

But that means holding still long enough to take the class and pass the test ... so no gallivanting around for 6 months in Mexico and 6 months in the UK (or 6 months in Mexico and 3 months each in two European or South American countries that will only let me in for that length of time un-visa-ed - sure that's a word!). So I calmed myself down and made the decision to stay here, take the class, pass the stupid test, and go from there ... regardless of what anyone else does or does not do around here. It may not glitter like gold, but I think it's a smarter move over the long haul (using phrases like that is how you know you're starting to get old .. I mean SMART! lol). And if, in the course of staying here and doing what seems smarter for me, I occasionally tell my mother to bite me - so be it. I mean come on, it's not like she's gonna fire me for having a bad attitude (if she could've she would've done that years ago, since I think she thinks I always have a bad attitude).

Bottom line: I've decided to be very Zen about the whole thing (and slightly selfish) .... However I got here (false pretenses, broken promises, or just the uncontrollable variables of human existence), I'm here now .. and all I can do is work from here forward - doing what's best for me.

Sixthly, in case the condo does ever sell, and in case there is any money to fix up this place, and in case anyone cares to waste their time seeing how I waste my time .... here are some of the plans I made (click on the them to make them bigger):

Labels: a random rant, I Need A Vacation, if stress burned calories I'd be a supermodel, pointless drivel

Because there have been too many $200 trips to Lowes (though we escaped Home Depot yesterday with only a $15 dent in our pocket); because there have been too many trips to Wal-Mart, period; because we spent about $200 dollars getting my dad's car all street legal and happy (and that's not including the $73 for AAA); because we had to pay the cable company another $140; because the mortgage company for the house in WA (who have owed my dad $3000 since October of 2006!) claim to have finally sent a check that has yet to arrive; and most importantly - because we are uncertain (and terrified) of how much gas the moving truck will consume (we budgeted based on a gestimate, but wanted to have some kind of cushion as back-up) - we've decided to wait to leave here until after my mom gets paid on the 3rd. None of us are thrilled about it, of course, but since we've spent our 'cushion' on 'frivolities' like paint and prescriptions - we either wait, or go hungry on the trip if our math was off.

So, we will pick up the moving truck on the afternoon of Thursday, March 6th (it has to be a Thursday since that's the day our side street gets a visit from the street sweeper - there's no parking on one side of the street before noon, and no parking on the other side after noon - so it's the only day of the week that we'll be able to find parking space for the truck), hire the guys to load it the 7th, and leave (bright and early?) on Saturday the 8th.

Labels: if stress burned calories I'd be a supermodel, moving?

Well, um, Wednesday evening my mom lost a filling from one of her molars. We dashed around the corner to Albertson's to get some of that temporary filling stuff and some Orajel - she used the Orajel to get through the night, but declined the other stuff on the grounds that neither she nor I could tell exactly where it was supposed to go (my best guess was that the filling had been somewhere between two teeth – in a spot I couldn’t see). After calling just about every dentist in town, my mom tried the number of a dentist she’d been given by the home health nurse – a dentist that makes house calls!

Thursday, the dentist came out and fixed everything (nicest man in the world) – apparently the filling had been in the middle of the molar, but when it broke off, it took the back portion of her tooth with it. I guess that’s why I couldn’t really tell what I was looking at – I was expecting to see a tooth with a missing filling, rather than a well hidden partially missing back of a tooth.

So that was one bit of excitement.

The ebay auction for my car ended this afternoon – NO SALE :( I’m going to relist it, and cross my fingers again. Also, maybe CarMax will say the magic number (if we ever manage to take it over there, that is, lol). But I think it’s definitely time to spend a bit of money on serious advertising. The free ads and online stuff are just not cutting it. But, I have come up with an alternate plan – we could keep both cars and move without EVERYTHING in tow (just taking what will fit in the back of the SUVs. There’s already a fridge, beds, and a washer and dryer in WV, so we could leave the ones we have here – just until the place sells. We could fit the computers and 1 or 2 TVs, and some other odds and ends into the back of one of the cars – dogs riding in the other car. We’d miss the chest freezer, the piano, my mother’s dresser, etc., - but it would only be for a little while. None of us are in love with the idea - it's a little too "Grapes of Wrath" – but it’s an option.

We’ve also been in touch with the Realtor about listing this place. It seems that the market has fallen quite a bit (last time we listed this place (in 2006) we were asking $424,000, and at the 11th hour (after we’d already decided to move back in) we got, and almost took, an offer for $410,000. This time it seems we will be listing at around $349,000!) But we really won’t lose that much more this way when you consider that if we’d sold it at $410,000 in October 06 we would have had massive taxes to pay (since it wasn’t my mom’s primary residence). If we sell it this year, the taxes for us will be ZERO because of the changes to the tax laws that Bush made (it almost gags me to say it – but apparently Shrub did do one good thing – oh that tastes bad!). If not for that, we’d have to stay here until next year to get the same tax break (once it’s been a rental, you have to live in it for 2 out the last 5 years in order to avoid the taxes when you sell).

So, that’s about it … we’re just dead in the water until the car sells. UGH – if you know me, you know – patience is not one of my virtues (this is driving me crazy!!). Monday I’m going to have to call the gas company in WV and tell them we’re not going to be there for our scheduled hook-up date – the only problem is that I don’t know when to tell them we WILL be there. Oh well, I guess I’ll just push them back a couple weeks and see what happens.

Labels: if stress burned calories I'd be a supermodel, pointless drivel

So, after a sort of a bad week – my new bank (I mentioned before that my bank got bought out by another) which had previously led me to believe that my old account would remain open and linked to my new one – unexpectedly (which is to say without any notice whatsoever) closed my old account. Hearing that your balance is 0 (totally out of the blue) without any idea where your money has gone is enough to make a person’s heart stop (spending hours on hold trying to get a hold of a human being so you can find out where your money went is enough to make your heart start up again, and then massively seize from the boiling blood running through it – but I digress). On top of that, my mother freaked me out about a strange new lump on her neck (she goes to the doctor Wednesday morning, so hopefully he’ll have something less than troubling to say about it). But it’s almost like clockwork – just as you settle into the comfort of the status quo, something always has to rock your boat.

I hate worrying – I need a new hobby ;)

Saturday was a relatively good day spent successfully working with my dad to prepare the cars for sale.

Sunday, more of the same as Saturday, and then .. I developed a UTI and spent the rest of Sunday and pretty much all of Monday feeling just awful. But … some antibiotics, some AZO, and a ton of cranberry juice later I’m feeling pretty much back to normal now.

But then today (here we go with the boat rocking again!) we got a Christmas card from one of our next door neighbors in WV, and in the card was a note asking whether we’d heard about the death of our neighbor from across the street. It was totally shocking! He apparently died at the end of August (we don’t know how or why), but he was a tremendously nice man (the kind who looked after his elderly widowed next door neighbor), everybody’s go-to guy in the neighborhood, and only 49 years old! It’s so strange to think he won’t be there when we get back.

For once I’m glad that we’re so far behind in sending out our X-mas cards this year (if we were on time, we’d already have sent one to his wife with his name all over it (and no acknowledgment of the fact that he’s gone) – not a very Merry Christmas!

Labels: if stress burned calories I'd be a supermodel

Today consisted, in part anyway, of balancing the checkbook, paying the bills, sending off to the State of California for copies of death certificates for my maternal grandfather (my mother has been asking me to do this for a couple months now) and my paternal grandparents (I’ve been meaning to do that since they died in 1998 and 2003), and going to the doctor.

I also made dinner for the first time in days – I’ve been on strike because of the heat, not that anyone complained about me choosing not to either heat the house further by using the oven, or make something dubious in the crockpot. Now that it's cooler, I re-christened the oven this evening by making pork chops, herb and butter rice, and cauliflower with melted cheese on it (my mom wanted pork chops, my dad loves his cauliflower with cheese, and the rice … well, it was easy). See – it’s not always Hamburger Helper around here, LOL :) But alas, it will be back to boring old chicken tomorrow night.

The 'highlight' of today, actually, ended up being the thing I was least looking forward to – going to the doctor. It was nice to see them all again, and it was quick and easy – with no real lectures. My blood pressure was a bit high though – but not horrible. But he did ask me to check it at home (using my mom’s machine), and keep a record over the next 6 months on this little card he gave me. If my numbers stay borderline, or get worse, he said I’d have to consider going on something for it – UGH! But overall, it was a fine visit.

But I do need to find some serious stress management techniques. I bought this book a couple months ago called Instant Calm, but the only suggestion I liked in it was to take a hot lavender scented bath for 20 mins before bed – and that won’t help much with the shallow bathtub we have here (though it will be lovely in WV). I think maybe what I need is to get a punching bag to work out my frustrations – I think most of my stress is frustration based (feeling angry, overworked, under appreciated, ignored, taken for granted, etc., etc., and being totally quiet about it in my daily life). I think I should start hitting something – I bet my blood pressure would drop instantly if I had something inanimate to whack the hell out of, LOL ;)

----------------
While I wrote this, I was listening to:
www.newstalk.ie

Labels: if stress burned calories I'd be a supermodel, pointless drivel

While normal people attempt their overturning of new leaves at New Year's .. I apparently dwell in my own time and space (either early or late - depending on your perspective) in that I am on a self-improvement kick now. Why July? I have no idea really. Maybe it's the change of the fiscal year (I doubt it), or perhaps it's just a "new month, new me" sort of mood ... or maybe, I'm just ready to try certain things (again, or for the first time).

Ever since I quit smoking, I've been feeling very proud of myself, very empowered to change myself more, very enthusiastic to take better care of myself. I think, at the moment anyway ... and despite the fact that my life is still a shambles in almost every other way ... I think I'm ready to stop trying to kill myself (either slowly or quickly). I mean, ok, so my life is not the way I would like it to be, ok, so most days I'm pretty miserable because of all the things I seem to have no control over, ok. But that doesn't mean I have to give up and wallow in how out of control and miserable I feel most of the time.

A friend, someone who has walked more than a few miles in my shoes, I shall call him CelticTigger (if he doesn't mind - if he does he can suggest one of his own - but everyone needs a code name), has been telling me for months that I need to start looking after myself a bit. That carers need caring too. That, for my own mental health, I should try to get out of the house everyday - even just for a little while - even if it's just to go window shopping. And he's right (as usual).

My goal, in that vein, is to eventually have things stable enough around here to be able to block off a certain time every day when I can walk the mile to the shopping center that's near the house and sit at Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, or Daphne's Greek Cafe - and just sit there, blissfully alone, and write for an hour. But the schedule around here is still very up in the air. Last Saturday my mom had to go back over to the ER for several hours, this morning my dad's taken her over to a Dr.'s appointment, her Home Health nurses just started coming last week, so the schedules for that aren't set yet either.

Every time I try to steal off for 20 minutes, something comes up, and the intercom on the phone rings and I am summoned. The only time I can usually find a few minutes to do my thing, is in the morning. My mom's sleep schedule is still off, and includes a lot of cat-napping during the day, she often (in fact, almost always) perks up right as I'm going to go to bed (around 1/1.30am) and then can't go back to sleep - so she's usually groggy the next morning until about 10.30 or 11am. Which means I can usually get a couple hours of quiet time - but not being a morning person myself, I'm not inclined to go anywhere then.

But I've decided to try to incorporate the spirit of CelticTigger's suggestion, even if I'm not able to integrate the letter of it yet. The point, is that I'm supposed to try to be kinder to myself, and supposed to try to find little things that bring me joy in the midst of a rather joyless day. To that end, I've been thinking a lot the last couple weeks about - what are the little things I can do around here that will make me happier?

Yesterday, July 1st, I began doing my beloved ballet workout video again, ordered a diet/lifestyle change book I saw mentioned on PBS Saturday afternoon, downloaded a relaxation CD and a weight loss hypnosis CD from iTunes, and dug my craft bag (a big purse in which I keep my current knitting, crochet, and lap-quilting projects) out of the box it never got unpacked from (last night I got in a bit of knitting while dinner was cooking!).

Sometime this month I intend to put up the wallpaper border in the kitchen, and start the sofa slipcovers, and plant the seeds we bought so that I can do a bit of gardening again. And sometime this week I hope to find some time to go through my still packed boxes of books in the garage, and start digging out any I haven't read yet, or in awhile, and begin to find a few minutes everyday to sit under the patio umbrella and read (my dad does that, and it looks so relaxing).

So, please, cross your fingers and knock on wood for me - I'd really like to keep this leaf turned for awhile

Labels: Amigos, Family, if stress burned calories I'd be a supermodel, In a Nutshell, My Big Butt, pointless drivel

The saga continues ...

We are in a holding pattern. My mother is